What Should I Do if My Husband is Texting a Female Coworker?

Female coworkers in the office

Workplace affairs are becoming common. When you search the internet, you will find various cases of husbands texting female coworkers. In fact, statistics show that 85% of affairs start in the office.

But what do you expect when there is an unavoidable closeness between male and female coworkers? They travel for meetings and interact closely with one another for 40 hours every week.

However, we expect work relations to end in the workplace and not spill over to the home. So how would you feel when you find your husband texting a female coworker? Should you be worried? What do you need to do about it? We will provide answers to these questions and more.

Is it Ok for Husband to Text Female Coworker?

It is ok for a husband to text a female coworker under the following conditions:

  1. Texting is purely work-based and during work hours.
  2. He replies to the texts at work, not at home.
  3. The texts are just about work, nothing personal that suggests intimacy.
  4. He isn’t angry when his wife tries to look at his text messages.
  5. He keeps the text messages on his phone and does not delete them.

On the other hand, it is not okay for a husband to text a female coworker when:

  1. The working hours are over.
  2. He should be spending time with you and/or the kids.
  3. It is a weekend.
  4. The texts are personal, not work-related
  5. He hides to send the SMS or positions the phone’s screen in a way that his wife won’t see.

How Do Affairs Start with a Coworker?

Workplace affairs start slowly and subtly that you may not even notice. Here’s how it starts:

  1. They share common interests.
  2. They start eating lunch together.
  3. They laugh at each other’s jokes.
  4. They start dressing to please each other.
  5. They start sharing hugs.

While all these are going on, emotional attraction is building, and this may quickly grow into a physical affair. But why should it even happen in the first place? Here are some possible reasons:

  1. Sexual or emotional needs are not being met.
  2. Your partner feels unappreciated, bored, or unloved in a relationship.
  3. You do not make him feel special.
  4. You are not giving your partner the kind of attention he wants.
  5. Furthermore, you do not share common interests.

Husband is flirting with female coworker

What are the Signs That My Husband is Too Close to a Female Coworker?

The following are telltale signs that your husband is too close to a female coworker:

1. He is Always Talking About Her

When the friendship is in the early stage, your husband may start talking about her. He talks about how she handles her job professionally or that she’s having some relationship problems.

At some point, he will start discussing certain issues with her instead of you. For instance, if he is facing a challenge at work, and he discusses it with her and not with you, then you need to watch it.

2. He Prefers to Stay Back After Work

Each workplace has different rules. There are times when some workers need to clock in earlier than others or work late. Veterinarians, healthcare providers, pilots, dentists, first responders, and so on have an in-built excuse to see coworkers at odd hours.

Also, if your husband is holding a managerial position, he may decide to stay back to meet deadlines or finish important projects. Therefore, if he wants to spend more time with a female coworker, his staying back after work hours will make a perfect excuse. And you may not suspect anything at first.

3. He Likes Having Lunch with Her

Most times, coworkers grab lunch at busy, public places that are close to the office or in the office lunchroom. But when your husband starts spending lunch hours with a female coworker in a private setting, it becomes a dangerous situation. Then if they skip lunch and just meet at a secluded place, it is a huge red flag.

4. He is Defending Her

When your husband starts defending a female coworker, a red flag pops up. When he starts saying things like, “She is a nice person, and we are just friends”, you need to be careful. He may also use the usual line of “she is in an abusive relationship”.

5. He is Calling, Texting, Or Spending More Time with Her

You can tell if your husband and a female coworker are close friends (or more) if they communicate very often. The relationship starts with several calls and texts and graduates into spending more time together. They can’t seem to have enough of each other, so it becomes obvious.

Another telltale sign is when he is overprotecting his phone. He may even go into the yard, garage, or the home office when he wants to call her. It may be devastating to discover that he even calls and texts her during family vacations or special occasions. 

6. He Travels to Work with Her

In most workplaces, women are paired with men to work on projects, travel to meet clients, or go for excursions centered around team-building. Your husband may even use traveling for a half-day conference in another part of the town as an excuse to spend more time with her.

They may even decide not to attend the conference, but you won’t notice. While traveling with a female coworker may look like an innocent business-related matter, it leads to various temptations that aren’t good for marriages.

Top Ways to Check if My Husband is Flirting with a Coworker

If the signs are there that your husband might be close to a female coworker, how do you get tangible proof? One sure method of confirming that he is flirting with a coworker is to gain access to his phone. Since this may be near impossible, you can use a spy app to catch a cheater.

There are different spy apps that you can install on someone’s phone to see all their messages, photos, and calls. If the phone is an Android, you must access the phone before installing it. But if it is an iPhone, you must access the iCloud account. On the other hand, you can gift your partner a new phone after installing such an app on it.

Husband started texting female coworker

What Should I Do About That?

It might be distressing to find out that your partner is flirting with another woman. But here’s what you can do:

  1. Avoid blaming yourself or your partner.
  2. Ask him to tell you everything (this may be painful, but you need to know).
  3. You may be upset and shocked but allow him to finish before responding.
  4. Ask questions to know why he started flirting.
  5. Decide the next step; you may want to work things out if he agrees to end the affair.

Based on the response you get from your husband; you will discover why he started cheating. You can use them as tips to improve on yourself, learn to give more attention to your husband’s emotional needs, and appear sexier for him. But if these do not stop the negative behavior, you can seek professional help from a family counselor or therapist.

You Are Not Alone

If you discover that your husband is flirting with a coworker, we want you to know that you are not alone. Many women are facing the same situation, but there is always a way out. You just need to find the method that will work for you.

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